Leaving a car dealership feeling like a winner sounds like a fool's errand. You need the car; once you're through the door, they've got the leverage.
The reality is that if you do your prep right, stay calm and courteous, and only negotiate from a position of strength, it's very doable.
Most people just fall into two common traps: "I'm just looking" or "It's a great deal."
"I'm just looking." This is where you convince yourself you're not that interested and there's no way you'll commit to such a big purchase on the spot. That you're only there to value the car, decide if it's really a good fit for your needs, and you'll come back armed with market research to negotiate. This trap flies in the face of our human desire to please others but most importantly ourselves. Our ego, stroked skillfully by the salesman, will demand satisfaction. The temptation you feel in the moment to satisfy that hunger is extreme and for many of us entirely new. Most just are not strong enough to withstand it, and before they know it, they've got a 72-month lease at 6% APR they never thought they'd agree to.
"It's a great deal." This is where you start the transaction by rationalizing the need for it. There are many legitimate reasons to need a new car. Maybe you don't have one, or your old one is falling apart. Maybe your car is perfect, but your family grew and now you don't fit in it. All perfectly valid reasons to take on the burden of a car loan. The single most important reason not to buy a car, however, is "it's a good deal." Dealerships are like casinos—they only work if the house always wins. The odds of you out-negotiating the salesman are no better than you coming out thousands of dollars ahead in Vegas. Maybe you've always wanted it or maybe you just want to find something fun and new in your life to distract you from other issues, but purchasing a car because of the value of the deal is admitting you don't actually need the car. What you're really saying when you take a "good deal" is that, no matter the actual agreed-upon price, you deserve that new car.
So how do you avoid these traps?
Even the best of us fold early when negotiating or rationalize our spending. Most people don't like confrontation, with themselves or others. If you want to improve and feel empowered to stand your ground, you need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Personally, I still stink at negotiating, but I've gotten much better than I used to be. I've purposely sought out and taken on roles and responsibilities I didn't feel completely comfortable in. I've volunteered for public speaking events. I've picked up blogging. All in an effort to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
The powerful thing about conquering these traps is that they are applicable to so many other life events, but especially applicable to the job hunt process. The parallels are uncanny. Salary is the sticker price. Benefits are the trim package. Equity is the interest rate. The recruiter, like the salesman, is trained to close. If you do your prep, know your worth, and take only the roles you really want, the process will still be grueling, but you'll land a much more fulfilling and hopefully fairly compensated gig.